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It seems like there should be some sort of rule that masturbation aids never require you to pour in more maintenance than an actual relationship. Now look at the related items section: Advertisement 4 They Are All MacGyvers of Engineering If Amazon reviews are indicative of the sex machine community at large, those are exactly the type of people you want around if you ever need to escape a hostage situation with only two paperclips and an apple corer. Oh, did you think the apple corer was an exaggeration? They all put a lot of man hours into tricking out a machine they can never, ever show off. I don't want to speak for everyone reading this, but spending an hour greasing pistons and tightening bolts when you're ready to have sex right now sounds infinitely more frustrating than just finding a willing human to slap against. But easily the most surprising takeaway from these reviews is the staggering amount of care owners put into their sex toy before each individual use. And then there are some reviews that have passed so far through the ceiling-mounted looking glass that their tone is impossible to discern.

Sawz all sex toys


It seems like there should be some sort of rule that masturbation aids never require you to pour in more maintenance than an actual relationship. Oh, did you think the apple corer was an exaggeration? Maybe it seems intuitive that the same people who have sex with machines would be gear heads, but this extends beyond a casual enthusiasm. It allows wood workers, carpenters, and home improvement specialists to attach different blades, sanders, files, and brushes to a reciprocating saw, essentially turning one tool into about six. They all put a lot of man hours into tricking out a machine they can never, ever show off. The only hint that the carpenters know their favorite tool has been sexually usurped is in the emphatic way they mention the home improvement project they are working on, lest someone mistake them for the kind of person who would wrap their genitals around a reciprocating saw. I was amazed to see that even in a massive online store, where real names and purchases and recommended products are attached to every profile right out in the light where everyone can see, not even the risk of utter humiliation outweighs the human desire to lend a hand. But easily the most surprising takeaway from these reviews is the staggering amount of care owners put into their sex toy before each individual use. And then there are some reviews that have passed so far through the ceiling-mounted looking glass that their tone is impossible to discern. Continue Reading Below Continue Reading Below Advertisement I have never planned anything as far in advance as these people have planned to hump an electric dildo saw. They customize their rides with such regularity that I'm curious why our country keeps complaining about a shortage of female engineers. But I did find some bizarre trends among the people who like to fuck stuff with an engine, and I at least want to share those with you. The poor tool purists try their hardest to ignore the sex toy reviews, like they're hoping that if no one says anything, the perverts might all just dissolve into the ether like a fart. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Naturally, the limitless power of the human imagination has ensured that for everything in the world that rumbles, thrusts, or spins, someone has figured out how to fuck it. More importantly, Amazon offers customer reviews for each one of those sex machines, because even though it may not always feel like it, the Internet runs on altruism. Now look at the related items section: But don't actually touch it. Not a single one of them is an off-the-shelf masturbator. Advertisement 4 They Are All MacGyvers of Engineering If Amazon reviews are indicative of the sex machine community at large, those are exactly the type of people you want around if you ever need to escape a hostage situation with only two paperclips and an apple corer. Most of these people sound like they could put a car engine together blindfolded. Continue Reading Below Advertisement As a pretend journalist, I sensed some greater cultural significance hidden in the cracks of all those sex machine reviews, and after reading every single one that Amazon has to offer, I can now say with total confidence that, no, there is not. For every Nigerian Prince, every subscription wall, every online convenience fee, there are 10 more people who aren't asking for any money at all and who just want to help you find the best electrical appliance to hump. You don't know where it's been. The creativity they display when fixing or adapting one of the machines so it pounds genitals better is downright inspiring. Their patience threshold is enviable. Either they are comedic geniuses, or they are suffering from sitcom levels of obliviousness.

Sawz all sex toys


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